The cognitive preferences of ENFJs are:
Fe–in the hero position means that they are heroically aware of the values and feelings of others. It’s the first thing they pick up when in any environment. It’s their superpower.
Ni–in the parent position means that they are responsible for their purpose, goal, intent and desire. Ni in this position, coupled with Fe in the hero position, positions ENFJs to be the world’s best con-artists, ministers, public speakers and entertainers. (realize that any type can enter any field or occupation but ENFJs are gifted in these areas.)
Se-in the child position means that ENFJs sincerely want others to have a good experience, to be comfortable. It also means they have a childlike need to be in the moment which further serves to make them great entertainers, etc. It causes others to automatically feel at ease in their presence.
Ti-is in their aspirational position and this means that they aspire to really analyze and understand things. It also means that they may not always listen to reason and when upset can become irrational, accusing others of thinking things they have no proof of.
Tony is empathetic, compassionate and sincerely kind. He is soulful and sensitive and has such an intense need to mentor and nurture that he volunteers to take a missionary trip to a particular village in Haiti every year just before Christmas where he will deliver books, crayons, pencils and other items to children. He does puppet skits for them and tells them Bible stories. These trips are the highlight of Tony’s life. He feels it is his purpose in life to bring hope to Haiti. He saves his money all year for the trip. He works craft festivals all summer, selling various items he has made in order to fund his trip. He set up a “go fund me” page and gets a few pledges there, but nowhere near enough. So, Tony makes the sacrifices himself in order to accomplish what he believes in and what he believes in is helping the children of Haiti. He wants to make a mark in that country.
Tony has been married two times. The first wife said his personality was too strong and that he was too devoted to his goals. She said she couldn’t compete with “the poor children of Haiti,” and she left. His second wife became jealous of Tony after a performance of the Lion King at a local theatre. She wasn’t jealous of Tony and another woman. She was jealous of all the attention and adoration he was getting. She felt threatened. Now, single with no children, Tony prays that one day a woman with as much passion and desire to help others will come his way. He also hopes she’ll be fit and strong, because that matters to him, as well. He has plenty of female suitors but most of them can’t handle the strength of Tony’s commitment to his life’s “calling.” And if there’s one thing Tony is sure of, it’s that he can’t give up his calling or back down on his commitment to the children of Haiti for anyone.
When Tony walks into a room, he lights it up. Everyone notices him. He is warm, charming, funny, wears interesting clothes and people flock to him. They love to be in his presence. Tony loves other people and he also enjoys the attention he gets from other people. He’s not a narcissist by any means, he is completely concerned about others but he loves to be loved. He has found an outlet for this paradox of his nature by acting. He has tried many different occupations, but theatre allows him to explore his own personality and still connect with others. It allows him to adore his audience and his audience to adore him, without feeling guilt over having others admire him. It’s also a platform. Tony gets invited to speak a many events and it’s from the stage that he can talk about the plight of the children in Haiti while he simultaneously makes people laugh and feel good about themselves.
Off-Stage, Tony enjoys deep and meaningful conversations about the things that matter in life, eternal things, spiritual things, world-shaking things, religion, politics and scientific discoveries. If Tony finds a person interesting, he will make a special attempt to get to know that person better. He will ask questions to uncover the person’s dreams, ambitions and passions. Tony makes others feel wanted and appreciated. He makes them feel special. His twin brother, Timothy, has the same abilities, but Timothy is a con-artist who uses his gifts for reading people to swindle them out of money. Tony prefers the route of a performing missionary and wants to change the world in a good way.
For all his passion and warmth and intelligence, Tony doesn’t do small talk. He gets bored with surface conversation. However, he loves listening to others talk about what he considers “real” issues and he is excellent at providing direction. His friends have nicknamed him “Male Oprah.”
While Tony is just ONE of many possible manifestations of an ENFJ, keep in mind that all ENFJs have some things in common:
- ENFJs care how others feel.
- ENFJs are responsible for their own goals in life. No one else will lay out their future for them or tell them what they want. They KNOW what they want and what they have to do to get it.
- ENFJs are keenly aware of what looks good, what provides others with a good experience (or a bad one). Some may be into physical fitness of any variety, especially as they get older.
- ENFJs can be doggedly stubborn and determined. I have heard them called “contrary” on more than one occasion.
- ENFJs don’t give up on what they see as the right path for them. If a door closes, they will knock out a window.
- If you want to appeal to an ENFJ, appeal to their heart by telling them how you feel. They care more about what values you hold dear than about what you think.
- ENFJs are usually altruistic and sincere.