“…and the pursuit of happiness.” (the law of laughter)

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“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine but a broken spirit dries the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

I love to laugh.

I love to be with people who laugh.

Laughter is contagious.

Sure, there are times to be sad, to be angry, and to grieve, but I believe that even in the face of emotional, physical, and psychological trauma, joy and laughter can set us on the road to recovery.

I once read where Moe Howard (The Three Stooges) said that he felt like the only thing he was good at was making people laugh and believed that was his purpose in life. Minnie Pearl (Grand Ole Opry) talked about how she one day came to the conclusion that she would never be a raving beauty or glamour girl but she had a powerful gift to make a profound difference in the lives of others. She had the gift of making them laugh. Both of these people understood a powerful law of the Spiritual Universe. There is power in laughter and people need it. Laughter is a gift. Laughter is a healing balm.

The late comedians, George Burns and Bob Hope, who both lived to be over one hundred, believed it, too, that there is amazing power in laughter. According to Mayo Clinic, laughter can

  1. Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
  2. Activate and relieve your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response, and it can increase and then decrease your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.
  3. Soothe tension. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which can help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.
  4. Improve your immune system. Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. By contrast, positive thoughts can actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.
  5. Relieve pain. Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers.
  6. Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people.
  7. Improve your mood. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and may make you feel happier.

An old Jewish proverb says, “As soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” Laughter can cleanse us. A deep bout of laughter can often be the cheapest form of therapy. Mark Twain, that master of satirical humor, once said, “Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century, but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.

“Laughter is the sun that drives misery from the human face,” Victor Hugo.

The quotes and evidence that laughter is beneficial on many levels goes on and on. However, there is something even more important than a few moments spent laughing at a party or parked in front of your favorite sitcom and that is inner joy. Those people who have learned to laugh through and at anything have done so because they have learned the power of a MERRY heart, aka, a positive attitude.

Proverbs 15:15 says that a cheerful heart has a continual feast. Happiness is a foundation and joy is an expression of love. However, you have to choose joy. We all face things that bring us down. We all face disappointments. We can either wallow in them or find the light and focus on it.

I remember an old saying I read in a discarded, discount book called How to Stay on Top When the Bottom Falls Out that changed my existence. I was seventeen, shy, alone and in over my head. Trust me when I tell you that my bottom had fallen out. Within three years my grandmother had died of a heart attack, my brother had been killed in an accident and my thirty-eight-year-old mom had suddenly passed away. My father was sinking into grief and depression. I was struggling with anorexia and thoughts of self-harm. I felt there was something innately WRONG with me and that somehow I didn’t deserve to live. I felt like I was never good enough and that people expected perfection I couldn’t give them. To make a long story short, my young life was complicated. All the trust-worthy adults in my life were gone and I was expected to be the adult. I found that ragged paperback book in a box of junk someone gave us and in that book there was a quote, “Two men looked out of prison bars. One saw mud. The other saw stars.” The author went on to say that our perspective changes everything. He quoted another author saying, “Your attitude determines your altitude.”

I made a decision that day. No matter how muddy it was, I was going to see stars. On cloudy evenings, I would remember that the stars were still there, just on the other side of the clouds. And in the day time, a tornado may be blowing at the moment, but no storm lasts forever. The sun is always, ALWAYS going to shine again. I decided that I would choose joy and that every day I would find something for which I could be thankful. Somehow being thankful brings joy.

I have a saying that I sign my work emails with, “Happiness is a choice, not a set of circumstances.” (I think I made that one up, but most likely someone else said it first.) I can’t help but think that the secret to a happy life isn’t in the things we have. It isn’t in the grand experiences we can give ourselves or others. The secret to a happy life is found in taking the moment we are in and consciously being thankful for whatever positive thing presents itself. It might be as grand as dinner in a palace or as simple as a dandelion peeping through the crack in a sidewalk. Corrie ten Boom told of a time when she was in a concentration camp and saw a dandelion poking its head through the cracks in the concrete. She rejoiced. Her sister, Betsie, rejoiced over fleas in their barracks because the fleas kept the guards out.

Paul, a man who wrote much of the New Testament, said, “Rejoice always.” One of the laws of the Spiritual Universe is to choose joy. Gratitude brings happiness and joy. Joy brings laughter and laughter brings healing.

Ponies Will Be Ponies (the Law of Forgiveness)

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“The world belongs to those who let go.” Lao Tzu

When I was a child I had a pony named Lightning. One day I turned my back and he bit me. It hurt. It left prints on my skin. I never forgot how Lightning bit me but I didn’t hold it against him because my mom said, “He’s a pony. That’s the nature of a pony. Don’t turn your back on a pony. Ponies will be ponies.”

So, I accepted that biting me in the back was his nature. I didn’t hate him for it. I didn’t hold onto the pain of the bite. I didn’t let it consume me or cause me not to want to look at, talk about or think about ponies ever again. I accepted it and I moved on. All of these years later, I hold no grudges against that pony, nor other ponies who look like Lightning. I am not filled with remorse, regret, anger, guilt or shame when I remember him. I have let go. I have forgiven my pony. That is an over-simplified example of forgiveness, but the principle is the same. Forgiveness is a law of the Spiritual Universe. Forgiveness is the art of letting go. It has nothing to do with forgetfulness.

When a human being hurts us we can either hold onto the pain, the anger, etc. or we can let it go, realize it is the person’s nature and get on with our lives. That’s forgiveness–just letting go. Holding onto anger toward that person, holding onto pain caused by that person, doesn’t punish the person who hurt us. It hurts US (you, me)–over and over and over again. It gives that person power over our lives. It ties us to the past and robs us of joy in the present. It taints our lives. If we hold on to the negative thoughts and feelings, they will drain our life’s energy, making us bitter, angry, resentful and possibly even sick.

Forgiveness doesn’t equate to forgetfulness. When someone hurts us, forgiving doesn’t mean we don’t remember what was done to us or how much it hurt. It simply means we hold no anger or ill-will toward them. It means we acknowledge that they are the way they are, they were the way they were and we let it go.

But how do you forgive? How do we let go of the pain? The anger? The years of mistreatment or loneliness or feelings of worthlessness that someone inflicted upon us?

Well, realize that it is the past and the past doesn’t have to be our present or our future. Let go of yesterday. We can’t change it, can’t undo what was done. Think of it like a chapter in the book of life. Turn the page and move to the next chapter. Your story (my story) is not over, so don’t stay in a chapter that’s already been read. When you feel those old feelings coming back, turn to God and remember that’s where peace is found, your connection to the eternal spirit, creator of all things. Realize that you are a spirit and your spirit is not controlled by anyone or anything that they did to you. You are a great spiritual being and you are greater than anything your body or mind has endured. Get in touch with the source of all things, and say “I forgive….(whoever)” and feel peace flood over you. Forgiveness is a choice.

Realize that it’s normal to have anger and hurt and pain. They come when we are mistreated or betrayed or backstabbed or manipulated, etc., and we are not bad for feeling what we feel. We don’t have to blame someone else. We don’t have to justify our feelings. We can merely note that we have them and decide how we want to deal with them. But then we have to release them and move forward.

Ultimately, if we choose not to forgive, we choose to remain a victim. Somehow we’ve had this flawed understanding of an eye for an eye drilled into us. Ghandi said that if we lived by such a rule then pretty soon the whole world would be blind. Jesus taught to turn the other cheek, which meant LET IT GO! We have to change the way we perceive things. Stephen Covey called it a paradigm shift. Notice I used the word “choose.” Yes, forgiveness is a choice. Choose to look at it as a life lesson. The pony bit me. Now I know the nature of a pony is to bite. I don’t hate ponies. I realize that a pony is a pony. Stop trying to punish people, guilt people, get even with people, manipulate people and remember that a pony is a pony. That’s the only path to freedom. You can’t change people and holding onto anger isn’t going to do you or them any good.

There is a Chinese saying, “If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves.” In other words, your desire for revenge, your determination to get even, will eventually destroy you. Retaliation is NEVER the answer.

There’s a scene in the movie Old Yeller that has stuck with me for years. Travis is sad and regretting the fact that he had to shoot the dog he loved so much. He is having a hard time forgiving himself and letting go of the past. His dad comes home from a long journey and finds him still grieving. He tells him that life is part good and part bad. If we spend all of the good times regretting the bad, then we lose out on the good. In this world people are going to hurt us, physically, emotionally and mentally. Spouses are going to leave. People are going to cheat you out of money. They’re going to side-swipe your vehicle, toilet paper your house, shoot your dog, run over your cats, throw beer cans in your yard, cuss you out on Facebook. They’re going to steal from you and lie about you. They’re going to throw you under the bus at work, take the promotion right out from under you. And sometimes–they’ll do it on purpose. We can either spend our whole lives bitter, resentful and feeling sorry for ourselves, holding onto the past and the hurt that they caused us or we can seize the moment and find the beauty that is in front of us right now.

There is freedom in forgiveness.

The Law of Being Kind and Gentle


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What is kindness?

Some people use kind and nice interchangeably but they’re not the same.

A serial killer can be nice but not kind. Nice is an act we put on to be socially acceptable. Nice is surface but kindness comes from deep within. Nice is born of society, but kindness is born of the spirit.

Like compassion, kindness is not an emotion. It’s an act, a choice. It’s choosing to help, to be altruistic, even when you know there’s nothing in it for you, even when you don’t feel like it.

Every day the news is filled with violence, hatred, crime, deception, greed and fear. These are the symptoms of a society, a world, in the grips of temporal displacement, people believing that this life is all that there is and having no true concept of spiritual universe and its laws, which often lie in direct contradiction to what is trending at the moment or even what is popular. These acts testify to people who are spiritually asleep and not in tune with a higher, better way.

Violence breeds more violence and as Ghandi said, an eye for an eye just makes the whole world blind, blind with fear, blind with anger, blind with hatred. People stop seeing each other as human beings. They say and do horrible things to each other, in the name of politics, in the name of religion–doesn’t matter, cruelty is cruelty and if I hate a person, then no matter what I accuse that person of, I am no better. Hatred is a by-product of fear. Violence is never an acceptable way to deal with disappointment or hardship. What was it Jesus said, “If you live by the sword, you die by the sword?” Violence, cruelty and hatred only lead to more violence, cruelty and hatred. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes a person has no choice but to defend himself or herself or the ones they love from violent attacks, but words only hold power over you if you let them. They are never an excuse to be cruel.

When we are kind we are vulnerable, but the vulnerable are the strongest and the bravest of us all. “Nothing is so strong as gentlenessnothing so gentle as real strength.” – Saint Francis de Sales

To be gentle one must also be kind and have integrity. Gentleness implies that a person has learned to control the savage part of his or herself, the reptile brain as it is called in martial arts or that base part of us that just reacts out of survival instinct and fear. Without gentleness we become no more than educated animals. This gentleness comes from the spirit but we must choose to put it on like clothing.

What we throw out into the world gets reflected back to us. If I am a negative person, always criticizing others, always offended then I will draw more negativity and criticism into my life. If I have an attitude of gratitude and sow kindness everywhere I go then I will be loved by many and doors will swing open for me. A kind disposition opens a multitude of doors. “Kindness is bottomless. Once accessed, there is an infinite supply. Helping others, you help yourself. Tao Te Ching

Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.~Proverbs 11:17 If you are cruel you do yourself more harm than you can imagine. You damage your very soul, your sense of self and become more spiritually blind with each cruel act. Cruelty is poison both to the one it is perpetrated upon and the perpetrator.

Kindness, always produces generosity, and is a mark of spiritual maturity. Gentleness is the by-product of kindness and goes hand-in-hand with humility, grace and compassion. Gentleness is a reflection of an inner strength that can only be found in those mature enough and courageous enough to be kind.

“The heart that is generous and kind most resembles God,” Robert Burns