Note to my family: although I have a brother named Mark, this is NOT him.
Mark is a jailer.
He is also objective, organized, punctual, practical and more than a little on the blunt side, but after all, he says he works with criminals, so why should he be all cuddles and rainbows?
His wife says he never turns it off and sometimes forgets that the kid on the bike across the street is not a hoodlum, just a kid on a bike. She sometimes thinks he is insensitive to her feelings and the feelings of their children. But then he goes and does something totally sacrificial to provide them with a nicer car or a better school. She knows that he shows his love in practical ways. He has been married to the same woman for twenty years and plans to be with her until they both die. He endured extreme poverty as a child, often going to school hungry and tired (from a lack of sleep due to his parents fighting in the next room) and the early death of his mother when he was eighteen. His father, an alcoholic, abandoned Mark and his three younger siblings.
However, through his fortitude and determination, he went to work at several part-time jobs and earned enough money to keep his siblings together and put them all through high school.
Mark does his best to follow proper protocol. He works out at the gym several times a week and eats healthy. He is fit and trim and an excellent dresser. He always looks sharp in his uniform and even in his lounge clothes.
Mark doesn’t throw things away. He washes them, organizes them and donates them to a facility for the elderly or to the children’s hospital where he knows his hard-earned purchases will be treated with respect and receive a new purpose.
He appreciates people who take pride in the order and cleanliness of their workspace, home and personal appearance.
He doesn’t like long theoretical discussions and wants you to get to the point when speaking to him. If you take too long to respond, he will consider you a “slow thinker.”
He once gave a bike that his son outgrew to a cousin’s child. The next time he went to visit, he saw the bike had been left out in the rain. He has decided not to give that cousin’s child anything else. Another time he gave a coffee pot to his niece. When he went to visit again, he noticed the coffee pot hadn’t been cleaned very well. He decided she wasn’t responsible enough to receive any more gifts from him. He sometimes hurts his wife’s feelings when she is getting dressed to go out because he will say, “That dress makes you look fat. You shouldn’t wear it.”
He disdains fat people and he worries that he might have Jewish ancestry because he read a document detailing all the diseases that Jews can inherit. He has been researching his ancestry feverishly ever since and is concerned because he found a great-great-uncle who died from throat cancer.
He enjoys taking random drives on the weekend along well-established routes and occasionally surprises his wife and kids with a weekend camping trip. Mark isn’t overly emotional and worries that there may be something wrong with his son because he cried at school when other kids accused him of lying. Mark worries that his daughter may be ADHD, even though the doctor said she wasn’t. He’s looked the symptoms up online and he is sure he knows more than the doctor because that doctor is too young to know much anyway.
Sometimes, he hires a babysitter and takes his wife out on the four-wheeler out for a spin, making a day of it and stopping at places that look nice and clean to eat. Mark does things at his own pace and doesn’t like people who slow him down by being late nor does he like to be rushed. Mark’s cognitive presences are those of an ESTJ.
***Mark is only ONE example of the ESTJ type. ESTJs can present themselves in many different ways and each will have their own unique lives and habits, but all ESTJs do have some things in common that are fundamental to the ESTJ cognitive preference.
- ESTJs are orderly, punctual, dependable, responsible and practical.
- ESTJs are objective and make decisions based on what seems practical. They may not consider your feelings at all when making a choice but will always consider what you think. They care about what you THINK.
- ESTJs are safety focused and take comfort responsibly. They don’t want others to make stupid mistakes because they don’t want to have to rescue them from the consequences later on, which is what often happens.
- ESTJs know what they value and assume that others value the same thing.
- ESTJs want you to think of them as good people. They show love through acts of service and/or gifts. That is why in the example above, Mark was upset by the bike being left in the rain. It was a devaluation of his values.
- ESTJs are resilient, hard-workers who want to do the things they have been taught are right.
- ESTJs are opinionated and at times, can be a bit elitist.