Once a young man named Jimmy who spent a lot of time alone and in his own thoughts, set out to find and understand love.
In Michigan he had a three month relationship with a kindergarten teacher and asked her, “What is love? “It’s knowing your own worth,” she replied. “And it’s understanding what you want and not settling for less than that.” Soon after that she left Jimmy and went to pursue what she really wanted, so he packed his bags and moved westward.
The young man took a job as a mechanic in North Dakota where he drank coffee at a roadside diner every morning and came to be acquainted with an elderly man called Bobbo who told him stories of the life he had lived.
“What is love?” Jimmy asked him one day.
Bobbo chuckled, “More than I’ve got.” He took a sip of his coffee and stared out the window. “Aw, I reckon it’s giving everything you’ve got to make somebody else feel better about the way they think things ought to be.”
Not long after that Bobbo passed away with lung cancer at the age of 95, the by-product of seventy years worth of cigarettes. Jimmy grew tired of his life in that town and moved to Oklahoma where he became friends with a preacher everybody just called, Brother Moe. As Jimmy listened to Moe’s stories and sermons he again wondered just what love really was, so one day while he helped Brother Moe paint the church he asked, “Brother, what is love, I mean, really, what is it?”
Brother Moe wiped sweat from his forehead, pushing his ball cap back, “Love, is what Jesus had for all of us when he said that we should love one another as he had loved us. On the one hand it’s basic human kindness, on the other, it’s being willing to lay down your life for another person and I suppose that means being willing to give up what you want in exchange for what they need.”
There was a pretty woman in Moe’s church called Sarah. Jimmy dated her a few times and asked her, “Sarah, what’s love?”
Of course, she thought he was trying to profess his love for her so she mustered up her best answer. “It’s compassion,” she said. “It’s that and romance and passion and it’s being strong for another person, listening to them, really listening and being willing to commit your life to them and lay it down for them and… it’s nurturing.”
Not long after that she started dropping hints about marriage and talking about children. Jimmy knew that it was time for him to fly. He wasn’t ready to settle down and “love” Sarah because he hadn’t resolved what love really meant to him. So, he said his good-byes and left.
For a couple of years, Jimmy lived in a tiny Texas town where he worked as a janitor in a factory. After work, he’d go to a small club and have a few beers with some of the locals. One night they all had a little more than usual to drink and got to talking about love. Each of the men at Jimmy’s table had an opinion on it.
One guy, John, said, “Buddy, love means setting boundaries and keeping your own needs and wants separate and….”
“That’s a load of crap,” another buddy, Chaz, cut in. “Love is hanging on tooth and nail to somebody and….”
“No, that’s what’s crap,” John said. “Man, love fights for the highest good no matter what.”
Ann, the waitress came by and chimed in. “You yahoos don’t know what love is,” she said. “That’s why ain’t none of you got any. Love is letting go and not being possessive or stupid jealous and letting somebody be who they are and not trying to change them and make them what you want them to be.” She picked up their dirty dishes and moved on.
“What’s she know?” a big red head named Scooter said. “She’s a woman. They don’t know nothing about love. They think it’s packing in the groceries in the middle of a big game.”
“You’re a brute,” a quieter guy named Bobby Joe said. “Love is action. It IS carrying in the groceries and it’s the gifts you get and the stupid mush that you say. It’s like rock solid care in motion. You know, the ultimate concern, the fabric of the cosmos and all that jazz.”
“You’re a geek,” Scooter said.
A fifth guy at Jimmy’s table, Liam, chimed in. “Love is the essence of life.”
“That doesn’t really tell me anything,” Jimmy said. “What do you mean the essence of life?”
“Well, it’s what you do to make somebody else’s life better,” Liam said. “It’s not like you know, an emotion. It’s way bigger than that. It’s what that nun over in India said, love is a sacrifice, giving up yourself and what you want for the sake of somebody else.”
Scooter banged his fist on the table, “Charlie Brown says it’s a man called Jesus.”
“Yeah, but he told us to love as he had loved,” Jimmy said.
“Love is not religion,” Bobby Joe said. “Jesus didn’t seem very loving when he made that whip and ran those money changers out of that temple.”
“But he was,” John said. “I ain’t no church man but I know he was taking up for the common people, the working folks, like us.”
Annie came back around to refill their glasses. “You guys still arguing about love? Take it from me. It ain’t about sex or lust or romance. All that stuff is a load of hype that Hollywood pushes to keep women buying more products so they can be baby-making machines and then the media downs ya for having kids. It ain’t about making babies or doing dishes or jumping every time a man hollers. I’m telling you, that if you love somebody you are willing to do what’s best for them, even if that means setting them free. Take me, for instance. I been married to my old man for twenty years and he thinks he loves me, but he don’t love me so much as he loves his own comfort. I honestly think that if he loved me, really loved me, more than he loves his own comfort, he’d tell me to go on a six month vacation by myself where I didn’t have to mop the floors, change the oil, mow the yard and do the dishes. I make sacrifices for him and love him because I’m supposed to, but most days of the week I don’t even like him.” She moved on again.
“He sounds like a real looser,” Jimmy said. “I wouldn’t like him either.”
“She’s a good woman,” Scooter said. “A real hard-worker.”
“Yeah,” Bobby Joe said, “and everybody knows that being a hard-worker is what constitutes your worth as a human being.”
Jimmy bade his friends goodnight and they went home, some of them to comfortable, predictable lives, some to chaos and turmoil, but Jimmy went home alone and lay in his small apartment above a professor’s garage and fell asleep on a twin-size bed. Two months later, he received a phone call from his sister in North Carolina, their father was dying and would he please come home.
Jimmy sat by his father’s bed all night, holding his dad’s hand. His siblings slept off and on but he never closed his eyes. He had been gone so long and had missed so much time with his dad. This man had always been strong and soft-spoken and now, he was as weak as a baby and fragile. Jimmy was thankful for the darkness so that his father couldn’t see his tears.
Every so often his dad would say, “I love ya, Son.” It was a faint whisper but Jimmy could hear it. Sometimes he would say, “I’m not afraid. It’s okay. I’m not afraid.”
He remembered the time his dad had taken off work to come watch him play a little league game, knowing that he would lose a half day’s pay. He remembered the time his dad had rescued him at 3 a.m. when he ran out of gas three counties over after a night out with his friends. He remembered all the nights his dad had sat at the kitchen table and told him stories before bed and the time when it snowed and his father couldn’t work and didn’t get paid, so there were no groceries in the house. He remembered how his parents had done without any meat, giving it to he and his siblings.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” he said. “For all the times I caused you grief and put you out and…”
“Love doesn’t keep score,” his dad muttered. He coughed, “I’d do it all….” he coughed harder.
“Don’t talk,” Jimmy said.
“I’d do it all again,” his dad managed to get out in his raspy tones.
Jimmy squeezed his father’s hand. His memories continued. He recalled how his dad had dreamed of playing in a bluegrass band and had pursued that dream for awhile. He had gone on several tours and would be gone weeks at a time. But eventually, the band fell apart and Jimmy’s dad didn’t seem to want to do it anymore. His father had pursued other dreams from time-to-time as well, but he had always been there for his family when they needed him. He didn’t know what his father did when he was away and in this moment, he didn’t care. His father had not been a perfect man but he had been a great man.
“I’m not afraid,” his father said again. He looked from Jimmy to each of his siblings with his glazed eyes. Jimmy wondered what he could actually see. “Love each other,” he gasped. “Let everybody be…be…themselves…be yourself. Help each other. Forgive…forgive. Love one another. Yes, Mama, yes,” he said, then he sat straight up, his eyes bright, a smile on his face and he left his body.
Jimmy and his siblings embraced. Early that morning he went outside to get a breath of air. It had rained all night and now, the sky was clear above the house. Jimmy looked up and saw a beam of sunlight bathing the little house where his father’s body still lay awaiting the coroner. He smiled.
“What are you smiling about?” his sister asked.
“I know what love is,” he said. “I can’t explain it, but I know it.”
We journey through this temporal (or rather time constrained) dimension which is bound by the laws of the physical universe for only a short while. Because it is a physical and temporal universe we must travel through it in physical and temporal vehicles, our bodies.
So long as these bodies are intact and whole, we can stay in them, but if they become too damaged by injury or by sickness, then we must vacate them, or sometimes, as in the case of a few people I know, a spirit so longs to go home that it simply leaves the body. I will borrow from C.S. Lewis (whose writings I love) and call this temporal dimension the Shadow Land.
When we enter this Shadow Land our spirits, or the eternal essence of who we are, becomes shrouded in flesh and blood. Our memory of that place we come from becomes clouded as we experience this world through our physical senses. We take on a persona, a soul. I will liken our souls to our emotions, our wills and our intellects. Yet, as we travel through this world, our spirit selves seek to learn and to grow. We could think of our time in this world like a long summer camp where we learn and experience things that we can only learn and experience in another place that isn’t home. We have left home to come here on this trip. It isn’t permanent and when it’s time, we each go back to where we came from. Just as there are laws of the physical universe, there are laws of the spiritual one. (Love, faith, hope, joy, compassion, gentleness, empathy, mercy, forgiveness, etc.)
So, we could say that we are spirits, we live (while on earth) in bodies and we have souls. When we leave this world, our bodies remain behind, either to decompose or to be preserved through embalming or in urns, etc. However, our spirits carry with them our souls and all the memories and lessons we learned while in this Shadow Land.
While we are traveling through this Shadow Land we each take on a persona, ego, personality (whatever you want to call it). This personality is based on our temperaments, our emotional development and our cognitive development. Our personalities may reflect our character, which transcends our personality. Spiritual awareness (*not necessarily religious) and understanding helps us reach self-actualization while in this world. (see Erik Erikson’s stages of development)
Some of us grow and help others to grow. Some of us get stuck in a developmental stage and may be a fifty-year-old adolescent. Each of us develops a system of cognitive pathways or preferences for interacting with this world. Carl Jung determined that these pathways determined how we perceived the world and how we made sense of what we perceived. He organized these functions into sixteen configuration or cognitive preference types. No one type is better than any other. Each type just takes a different pathway toward self-actualization and growth. Each type has its own unique sets of strengths and weaknesses to overcome. Understanding our own mental processes can help us navigate through our lives and can help us become more understanding and forgiving, propelling us toward self-actualization and spiritual growth, while fostering more positive relationships with other people.
*religion is humanity’s attempt to appease a deity, to work our way into heaven or an afterlife by doing good deeds, sacrifices, rituals, saying the right things, etc. Spirituality may exist within a religion but is not dependent upon a religion. Spirituality is the realization that we are spirit beings and that there is a spiritual dimension with a different set of values than those mandated by religions or man-made organizations or governments.
“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine but a broken spirit dries the bones.” Proverbs 17:22
I love to laugh.
I love to be with people who laugh.
Laughter is contagious.
Sure, there are times to be sad, to be angry, and to grieve, but I believe that even in the face of emotional, physical, and psychological trauma, joy and laughter can set us on the road to recovery.
I once read where Moe Howard (The Three Stooges) said that he felt like the only thing he was good at was making people laugh and believed that was his purpose in life. Minnie Pearl (Grand Ole Opry) talked about how she one day came to the conclusion that she would never be a raving beauty or glamour girl but she had a powerful gift to make a profound difference in the lives of others. She had the gift of making them laugh. Both of these people understood a powerful law of the Spiritual Universe. There is power in laughter and people need it. Laughter is a gift. Laughter is a healing balm.
The late comedians, George Burns and Bob Hope, who both lived to be over one hundred, believed it, too, that there is amazing power in laughter. According to Mayo Clinic, laughter can
Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
Activate and relieve your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response, and it can increase and then decrease your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.
Soothe tension. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which can help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.
Improve your immune system. Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. By contrast, positive thoughts can actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.
Relieve pain. Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers.
Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people.
Improve your mood. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and may make you feel happier.
An old Jewish proverb says, “As soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” Laughter can cleanse us. A deep bout of laughter can often be the cheapest form of therapy. Mark Twain, that master of satirical humor, once said, “Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century, but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.“
“Laughter is the sun that drives misery from the human face,” Victor Hugo.
The quotes and evidence that laughter is beneficial on many levels goes on and on. However, there is something even more important than a few moments spent laughing at a party or parked in front of your favorite sitcom and that is inner joy. Those people who have learned to laugh through and at anything have done so because they have learned the power of a MERRY heart, aka, a positive attitude.
Proverbs 15:15 says that a cheerful heart has a continual feast. Happiness is a foundation and joy is an expression of love. However, you have to choose joy. We all face things that bring us down. We all face disappointments. We can either wallow in them or find the light and focus on it.
I remember an old saying I read in a discarded, discount book called How to Stay on Top When the Bottom Falls Out that changed my existence. I was seventeen, shy, alone and in over my head. Trust me when I tell you that my bottom had fallen out. Within three years my grandmother had died of a heart attack, my brother had been killed in an accident and my thirty-eight-year-old mom had suddenly passed away. My father was sinking into grief and depression. I was struggling with anorexia and thoughts of self-harm. I felt there was something innately WRONG with me and that somehow I didn’t deserve to live. I felt like I was never good enough and that people expected perfection I couldn’t give them. To make a long story short, my young life was complicated. All the trust-worthy adults in my life were gone and I was expected to be the adult. I found that ragged paperback book in a box of junk someone gave us and in that book there was a quote, “Two men looked out of prison bars. One saw mud. The other saw stars.” The author went on to say that our perspective changes everything. He quoted another author saying, “Your attitude determines your altitude.”
I made a decision that day. No matter how muddy it was, I was going to see stars. On cloudy evenings, I would remember that the stars were still there, just on the other side of the clouds. And in the day time, a tornado may be blowing at the moment, but no storm lasts forever. The sun is always, ALWAYS going to shine again. I decided that I would choose joy and that every day I would find something for which I could be thankful. Somehow being thankful brings joy.
I have a saying that I sign my work emails with, “Happiness is a choice, not a set of circumstances.” (I think I made that one up, but most likely someone else said it first.) I can’t help but think that the secret to a happy life isn’t in the things we have. It isn’t in the grand experiences we can give ourselves or others. The secret to a happy life is found in taking the moment we are in and consciously being thankful for whatever positive thing presents itself. It might be as grand as dinner in a palace or as simple as a dandelion peeping through the crack in a sidewalk. Corrie ten Boom told of a time when she was in a concentration camp and saw a dandelion poking its head through the cracks in the concrete. She rejoiced. Her sister, Betsie, rejoiced over fleas in their barracks because the fleas kept the guards out.
Paul, a man who wrote much of the New Testament, said, “Rejoice always.” One of the laws of the Spiritual Universe is to choose joy. Gratitude brings happiness and joy. Joy brings laughter and laughter brings healing.
When I was a child I had a pony named Lightning. One day I turned my back and he bit me. It hurt. It left prints on my skin. I never forgot how Lightning bit me but I didn’t hold it against him because my mom said, “He’s a pony. That’s the nature of a pony. Don’t turn your back on a pony. Ponies will be ponies.”
So, I accepted that biting me in the back was his nature. I didn’t hate him for it. I didn’t hold onto the pain of the bite. I didn’t let it consume me or cause me not to want to look at, talk about or think about ponies ever again. I accepted it and I moved on. All of these years later, I hold no grudges against that pony, nor other ponies who look like Lightning. I am not filled with remorse, regret, anger, guilt or shame when I remember him. I have let go. I have forgiven my pony. That is an over-simplified example of forgiveness, but the principle is the same. Forgiveness is a law of the Spiritual Universe. Forgiveness is the art of letting go. It has nothing to do with forgetfulness.
When a human being hurts us we can either hold onto the pain, the anger, etc. or we can let it go, realize it is the person’s nature and get on with our lives. That’s forgiveness–just letting go. Holding onto anger toward that person, holding onto pain caused by that person, doesn’t punish the person who hurt us. It hurts US (you, me)–over and over and over again. It gives that person power over our lives. It ties us to the past and robs us of joy in the present. It taints our lives. If we hold on to the negative thoughts and feelings, they will drain our life’s energy, making us bitter, angry, resentful and possibly even sick.
Forgiveness doesn’t equate to forgetfulness. When someone hurts us, forgiving doesn’t mean we don’t remember what was done to us or how much it hurt. It simply means we hold no anger or ill-will toward them. It means we acknowledge that they are the way they are, they were the way they were and we let it go.
But how do you forgive? How do we let go of the pain? The anger? The years of mistreatment or loneliness or feelings of worthlessness that someone inflicted upon us?
Well, realize that it is the past and the past doesn’t have to be our present or our future. Let go of yesterday. We can’t change it, can’t undo what was done. Think of it like a chapter in the book of life. Turn the page and move to the next chapter. Your story (my story) is not over, so don’t stay in a chapter that’s already been read. When you feel those old feelings coming back, turn to God and remember that’s where peace is found, your connection to the eternal spirit, creator of all things. Realize that you are a spirit and your spirit is not controlled by anyone or anything that they did to you. You are a great spiritual being and you are greater than anything your body or mind has endured. Get in touch with the source of all things, and say “I forgive….(whoever)” and feel peace flood over you. Forgiveness is a choice.
Realize that it’s normal to have anger and hurt and pain. They come when we are mistreated or betrayed or backstabbed or manipulated, etc., and we are not bad for feeling what we feel. We don’t have to blame someone else. We don’t have to justify our feelings. We can merely note that we have them and decide how we want to deal with them. But then we have to release them and move forward.
Ultimately, if we choose not to forgive, we choose to remain a victim. Somehow we’ve had this flawed understanding of an eye for an eye drilled into us. Ghandi said that if we lived by such a rule then pretty soon the whole world would be blind. Jesus taught to turn the other cheek, which meant LET IT GO! We have to change the way we perceive things. Stephen Covey called it a paradigm shift. Notice I used the word “choose.” Yes, forgiveness is a choice. Choose to look at it as a life lesson. The pony bit me. Now I know the nature of a pony is to bite. I don’t hate ponies. I realize that a pony is a pony. Stop trying to punish people, guilt people, get even with people, manipulate people and remember that a pony is a pony. That’s the only path to freedom. You can’t change people and holding onto anger isn’t going to do you or them any good.
There is a Chinese saying, “If you’re going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves.” In other words, your desire for revenge, your determination to get even, will eventually destroy you. Retaliation is NEVER the answer.
There’s a scene in the movie Old Yeller that has stuck with me for years. Travis is sad and regretting the fact that he had to shoot the dog he loved so much. He is having a hard time forgiving himself and letting go of the past. His dad comes home from a long journey and finds him still grieving. He tells him that life is part good and part bad. If we spend all of the good times regretting the bad, then we lose out on the good. In this world people are going to hurt us, physically, emotionally and mentally. Spouses are going to leave. People are going to cheat you out of money. They’re going to side-swipe your vehicle, toilet paper your house, shoot your dog, run over your cats, throw beer cans in your yard, cuss you out on Facebook. They’re going to steal from you and lie about you. They’re going to throw you under the bus at work, take the promotion right out from under you. And sometimes–they’ll do it on purpose. We can either spend our whole lives bitter, resentful and feeling sorry for ourselves, holding onto the past and the hurt that they caused us or we can seize the moment and find the beauty that is in front of us right now.
Some people use kind and nice interchangeably but they’re not the same.
A serial killer can be nice but not kind. Nice is an act we put on to be socially acceptable. Nice is surface but kindness comes from deep within. Nice is born of society, but kindness is born of the spirit.
Like compassion, kindness is not an emotion. It’s an act, a choice. It’s choosing to help, to be altruistic, even when you know there’s nothing in it for you, even when you don’t feel like it.
Every day the news is filled with violence, hatred, crime, deception, greed and fear. These are the symptoms of a society, a world, in the grips of temporal displacement, people believing that this life is all that there is and having no true concept of spiritual universe and its laws, which often lie in direct contradiction to what is trending at the moment or even what is popular. These acts testify to people who are spiritually asleep and not in tune with a higher, better way.
Violence breeds more violence and as Ghandi said, an eye for an eye just makes the whole world blind, blind with fear, blind with anger, blind with hatred. People stop seeing each other as human beings. They say and do horrible things to each other, in the name of politics, in the name of religion–doesn’t matter, cruelty is cruelty and if I hate a person, then no matter what I accuse that person of, I am no better. Hatred is a by-product of fear. Violence is never an acceptable way to deal with disappointment or hardship. What was it Jesus said, “If you live by the sword, you die by the sword?” Violence, cruelty and hatred only lead to more violence, cruelty and hatred. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes a person has no choice but to defend himself or herself or the ones they love from violent attacks, but words only hold power over you if you let them. They are never an excuse to be cruel.
When we are kind we are vulnerable, but the vulnerable are the strongest and the bravest of us all. “Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.” – Saint Francis de Sales
To be gentle one must also be kind and have integrity. Gentleness implies that a person has learned to control the savage part of his or herself, the reptile brain as it is called in martial arts or that base part of us that just reacts out of survival instinct and fear. Without gentleness we become no more than educated animals. This gentleness comes from the spirit but we must choose to put it on like clothing.
What we throw out into the world gets reflected back to us. If I am a negative person, always criticizing others, always offended then I will draw more negativity and criticism into my life. If I have an attitude of gratitude and sow kindness everywhere I go then I will be loved by many and doors will swing open for me. A kind disposition opens a multitude of doors. “Kindness is bottomless. Once accessed, there is an infinite supply. Helping others, you help yourself.“ Tao Te Ching
“Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.“~Proverbs 11:17 If you are cruel you do yourself more harm than you can imagine. You damage your very soul, your sense of self and become more spiritually blind with each cruel act. Cruelty is poison both to the one it is perpetrated upon and the perpetrator.
Kindness, always produces generosity, and is a mark of spiritual maturity. Gentleness is the by-product of kindness and goes hand-in-hand with humility, grace and compassion. Gentleness is a reflection of an inner strength that can only be found in those mature enough and courageous enough to be kind.
“The heart that is generous and kind most resembles God,” Robert Burns
“Only great humility and great love allow one to obtain the Great Power, Which is the same as the Power of Tao (the power of the Way).” Lao Tzu
“Happy are the humble: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven,” Jesus
Humility. The very word grates on some people because they have a false concept of it. Apparently, some people think that humility and self-deprecation are one and the same and that to be humble you have to be a doormat. No. No. And NO. That is NOT the meaning of humility.
According to Merriam-Webster’s humility is FREEDOM from pride or arrogance.
Wait a minute. Pride and arrogance are things from which we need to be freed? Yes, in the sense that pride and arrogance (which is an extreme sense of self importance and desire to be adored and admired by others) are the cultivation, preservation and exaltation of self esteem and importance. Constantly, being a slave to “looking good,” is definitely a type of bondage.
To obtain a sense of humility then is to obtain a type of freedom. What exactly IS that freedom? It’s the independence of not needing to prove yourself to anyone, to not need praise or approval. That doesn’t mean that you don’t appreciate it when it comes, merely that you don’t need it or crave it and it’s the freedom from having to look good (be approved of) in the eyes of others. I think it was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, “A great man is always willing to be little.”
Here’s an example. Once upon a time in ancient Israel, a teenager named David went out to the battlefield to take food and wine to his brothers who were in the army. He was just a scrawny kid, a shepherd, a nobody from nowhere. Nobody looked up to him or respected him. He had no claim to fame. While being an errand boy to his brothers, a giant came out and made fun of the entire Israeli army. David was appalled and asked something like, “Who is this guy and why doesn’t anyone stand up to him?” His brothers were embarrassed by his naive presumption that somebody ought to put this terrifying threat in his place. David then said he’d go fight that giant and his brother’s accused him of being arrogant! But nothing was further from the truth. Human approval meant so little to the boy that he was willing to lay his life on the line to do what he believed was the right thing to do. People laughed at David. They ridiculed him. If there was any pride or arrogance in him at the moment, he would have backed down, but he didn’t.
David cared more about being true to what he knew was right than about what society said or what anyone thought of him. Pride doesn’t do that. Pride wants to look good and get accolades. Pride likes to have a little “worship” from others and craves approval.
David went out to face the most terrifying foe in his world, armed with the simplicity of a shepherd (seriously, the kid had a pouch full of rocks!). The enemy came at David with the best armor the world had to offer at that time. He was superior and he bragged about his superiority. David had only his simple faith, “I come to you in the name of the Lord,” he said. There was no bragging about his own might or ability. But he was confident in the source of his strength.
David ran to the battlefield in humility, just doing what he needed to do where he was at. He had nothing to prove and nothing to lose (well, except his life). That is humility. He wasn’t thinking about himself, but about his God and about his people. If you have ever read the story then you already know that David slung his stone, which struck Goliath in the head and knocked him down.Then David ran over, picked up the giant’s sword and beheaded him with his own weapon. When the opposing army saw how a youngster had defeated a seasoned champion, they were terrified and fled the battlefield with the armies of Israel hot on their trail. If David had been engulfed in “pride” or concern over how he looked in the eyes of everybody else, the battle would never have been won.
It’s worth noting that the person who demands that they be noticed, adores and admired is arrogant, but so is the person who won’t do things because they’re worried that they might “look bad” in front of other people. That is still a type of pride. Arrogance often wears the disguise of politeness and nice-ness.
Being shy or reserved does not equate with humility. Doing everything within your power to keep from standing out does not equate with humility, either. For example, the person who gets on stage and sings his heart out, knowing that he may fall flat on his face or be laughed off stage, exhibits more humility than the musician who worries what others will say and keeps his music all to himself. The artist who never shares her work is more prideful than the one who allows herself to be vulnerable and shares it with the world in hopes of touching someone’s life. It’s not about whether we’re center stage or not. It’s about motivation. A closet narcissist is still a narcissist; they’re just better at disguising their pride in the garments of false humility.
Consider the following true story that I once witnessed.
I was in a group where a gentleman was asked to sing a song. The man stood up and protested, “Oh, I’m not very good at singing,” he was digging in his pocket for his song as he spoke. “I’m just a poor man who does his best, and…” he was now making his way to the platform in the front of the room, “Y’all just listen to the words and not to why I sing them.” He walked with his eyes toward the ground, showing us all that he was shy and humble. Once on the platform, he dispelled other self-depreciating words to let us know what a humble person he was. People were nodding with softened and sympathetic expressions, but something bothered me about the entire episode. Then it hit me. This man was not humble at all. He was PROUD. That’s right; he was proud of his own perceived piety! He was proud of his humility. He wanted everyone to know that he was humble and therefore, spiritual. I almost laughed. Real humility doesn’t need recognition or fan-fare. So what would have been the truly humble response? Easy. He would just gotten up, walked up front, said something like, “I hope you enjoy this song.” Then he would have sung it and gone back to his seat. The most humble thing he could have said would have been thank you. “True humility does not know that it is humble. If it did, it would be proud from the contemplation of so fine a virtue.” – Martin Luther
Humility simply means that you are secure enough in who you are and in what you believe that you have nothing to prove to anybody, you don’t feel the need to impress anybody and you are able to use the god-given gifts or life-skills you’ve acquired to betterment of humanity without needing accolades or praise. This spiritual principle or law is expressed when Jesus said that the greatest among us was the one who willingly served others, not the one who demanded to be served. The greatest leader is the servant. “…avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men. “– Lao-tzu
If you want others to find you interesting, show interest in them. If you want others to appreciate you, appreciate them. If you want to make a difference in the world, lay aside your concern over the way you appear, your need for approval and let the gifts within you come forth. An apple tree doesn’t care what it looks like, it simply produces apples. It doesn’t matter that some people my not like apples or that others may say the apples or the tree itself are ugly or disgusting or they may ridicule the tree. The truth is that fruit provides nourishment to wildlife and passersby and the tree itself provides shelter for many life-forms. Humility is simply bearing your fruit in this world and being what you were made to be without regards to praise or criticisms.
I close with a quote from Rick Warren, a California pastor, who said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less.”
Continuing with my Laws of the Spiritual Universe series, I’d like to talk about gardening. Yep. You read that right. Gardening.
This spring I planted a marigold seed and guess what came up? Uh-huh! A marigold plant! Now it has flowers on it and some of the flowers have gone to seed. In place of one tiny seed, I have hundreds of marigold seeds! Seems pretty obvious, doesn’t it, that you harvest whatever you plant?
Well, in this case, the spiritual law is the same. The types of seeds (attitudes or beliefs) you sow determine the fruit (manifestations) that you receive in your life. What you put out determines what comes back to you. Solomon said that if you cast your bread upon the water, after many days, it will return to you. “Give and it will be given to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over it shall be poured (dumped, heaped) into your lap.” (Luke 6:38 NIV) I’ve heard it said that opposites attract. That’s not true in the spiritual world. In the spiritual world, deep calls out to deep and iron sharpens iron. In other words, like attracts like or what you put out is what you get back.
If you want joy, then share joy. Laugh with others. Do random acts of kindness. Smile at people, even if they don’t smile back. If you choose to be joyful, you will draw people with positive energy into your life. The opposite is also true. Ever heard that old saying, “Misery loves company?” Well, it does. Some people will be uncomfortable around your joy and will attempt to bring you down to their level. Don’t let them. Some may want to siphon off your energy because they haven’t learned this law yet. You can’t force a spiritual understanding upon someone who isn’t “there” yet. Just be you in front of them and hope that one day they grow into it. People mature physically and mentally at different rates. They also mature spiritually at different rates. A thirty-year-old may be spiritually more mature than an eighty-year-old or vice versa. Natural age and spiritual age don’t always correspond.
Share joy as if you’re full of it and eventually, you will be. Laugh a little bit everyday. Find the positive in every situation, no matter how small it may be. Find it and celebrate it.
Planting seeds of gratitude for what you have and doing the best you can with what you’ve got without being bitter, critical and complaining will open doors for you that you could only imagine were possible. Being grateful for small blessings leads to bigger opportunities. It may not happen immediately, but keep celebrating. Keep smiling. Keep hoping and don’t let bitterness, cynicism, jadedness and a critical outlook steal your joy. Constant complaining leads to more things to complain about!
That doesn’t mean that you’ll never experience a down time in your life. Every farmer can tell you that there are times of drought and times of rain. There are times when you have to fight off insects and plagues, but ultimately, the general law is that if you plant corn, you get corn. In the same way, spiritually you might have to stand up to doubt and tell it to take a backseat in your life or you might have to look fear in the eye and tell it to take a hike.
This leads me to my next point–giving. Some people give and then later come back to collect on the gift. That kind of giving has its own reward and that reward is limited, but if you give, expecting nothing in return, then all of heaven will pour out on you when the time is right and you will stand amazed at the blessings (another word for JOY) in your life. When we give, it ought not to be because it looks good or seems like the “right thing to do.” We shouldn’t give out of guilt or obligation, ever. For the law of giving to work, it has to be done because you WANT to do it, because it makes you happy to do it!
In conclusion, whatever you do, do it with all your heart, not begrudgingly (or because you feel like you are obligated, guilted or indebted) but because you want to and it makes you happy. Deep calls out to deep, like draws like, you reap what you sow and as you think in your heart (believe about yourself) that’s what you are. Don’t let anyone else define you because their vision is still small or because they lack faith, hope or joy. Don’t let their fear lie to you about who you are or what you have. Plant marigold seeds, reap marigolds. Plant joy, reap joy. Plant kindness, reap kindness. Plant faith (evidence of the unseen; calling what is not as if though it were), reap the unseen.
Just as the physical universe has laws that govern it, like the laws of gravity and thermodynamics, etc., the spiritual universe also has laws that govern it and those laws may or may not always coincide with the laws of the physical universe. However, they will always supersede them. Over the course of the next few blog posts I hope to highlight what I see as the laws of the spiritual universe.
So, here’s what I perceive as the first law of the spiritual universe: the Law of Compassion. The Dalai Lama sums it up pretty well when he says, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
Compassion allows us to see beyond our side of the story or our own subjective point of view. It allows us to see the “bigger picture” of life and existence. It is both a thing and an action. It is that invisible force, connecting all things in the universe. Unless we tap into this mighty all-connecting force, we will lack the capacity to know true love.
Compassion is not merely feeling bad for someone or feeling sorry for them. That is sympathy. Compassion isn’t just putting yourself in someone else’s place or feeling what they feel. That is empathy. Compassion is greater than both and should be the end result of either. I’m reminded of several stories in the Bible where Jesus was moved with compassion for people and this compassion produced miraculous results.
Compassion is that invisible force, connecting everything in the universe. It is both a force and a feeling, but it always results in a manifestation. It is the ability to see the world for what it is rather than what our judgments make it. Compassion creates peace, healing and miracles.
It’s important to note that true compassion is never prompted by the need for a covert contract. If payback is expected for a favor or an act or a gift, then self-preservation and ultimately, fear, are at the heart of it and not compassion. Compassion does what needs to be done for the genuine good of another person and expects nothing in return, not recognition and not returned favors. Compassion feeds the hungry, clothes the naked, acts as a counselor and doesn’t keep tabs.
“Compassion is the basis of all morality.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
Today, I’m thinking about thinking and how some people, though educated, aren’t adept at it. C.S. Lewis, in his novel “That Hideous Strength,” spoke of a man, Mark, who was not overly intelligent nor classically educated but he had a “modern” education which was allowing him to move up in the world, to become a man accepted by the narrative of his time. A modern education meant that he followed the pervasive narrative of those highly esteemed in his culture. I believe we have a lot of “Marks” in our world today.
Most people’s thinking (especially as it relates to group mentality) is based on biases, prejudices, inaccurate reasoning and unexamined social rules. If their chosen media outlets tell them a thing is true, they believe it. They don’t examine all sides and they get emotional, maybe even irrationally angry and defensive, when someone questions the narrative they’ve bought into. In other words, “I have my facts given to me by popular people that are socially approved (celebrities, news people, etc.); don’t confuse me by presenting new and conflicting evidence from people I don’t like.” I would say that it’s just a by-product of our time, but a close examination of human history tells me that the majority of human beings throughout history have been this way. Every now and then a Joan or Arc, or a Jesus, or a Ghandi, etc., comes along sees through different eyes, the eyes of true critical thinking (often being ridiculed, even martyred for their differences).
Critical thinking raises important questions, considers alternate answers, avoids overly-simplistic explanations and recognizes the impact one’s actions have on others (even society as a whole). Critical thinking is not prone to “gang” or rather, “group,” mentality.
I read posts and articles and think that humanity is bent toward knee-jerk reactions based on anger, personal biases and emotion. Often, it appears that anyone who thinks critically is immediately labeled as too far left or too far right, too Liberal or too Conservative, too religious or too much of a heretic. It seems like anyone who questions what is popular and pervasive is made to look ridiculous, out-of-touch, stupid, a conspiracy theorist or all of the above.
I actually pray to see things objectively, from all possible angles. It is a goal of mine. If I am provided with evidence from multiple sources that are not all in the same camp, so to speak, and I realize that my internal framework is missing key components, I’ll change my mind and adjust my perception, but if I discover that there is no substantial evidence to repudiate what I believe, if all people can give me are opinions based on the way they want things to be…then, I’m holding on like glue. Here are some things that I’ve thoroughly examined through the years and the conclusions I’ve come to.
I believe that hurting a child, any child, is ALWAYS wrong.
I believe that violence breeds violence.
I believe in preserving life above making money, yet I believe a person should be allowed to make all the money they can so long as they don’t hurt anyone else to do it.
I believe in the pursuit of happiness.
I do not believe all men are created equal. If they were, then everyone would be the same size, color, shape and have the same abilities, but I DO believe in treating all humans fairly. I believe in being fair, and enforced equality is often unfair.
I believe there is never any excuse for breaking in and destroying the businesses, homes and lives of innocent people.
I believe that mistreating an animal is a precursor to mistreating humans.
I believe that being “nice” is a facade but being “kind” is genuine.
I believe that when you take rights away from one group, you lessen the rights and value of every group.
I believe that when your desires, practices or behavior threatens the fundamental human rights of others, then you should be held accountable. (example: If I believe that I have the right to do drugs and drive, but in doing so I cause a car crash that kills a five-year-old child, I should be treated like a murderer because my behavior took an innocent life.)
I believe that the family is the foundation of any society and when you destroy families, you destroy emotional and spiritual foundations that ultimately lead to societal break-downs, and cultural failures.
I believe that when you strip away spirituality in a culture, you end up with a society of self-absorbed, egocentric people who don’t fully see others as humans.
I believe that in order to have stable citizens, you must have actively involved parents and other adults such as uncles, aunts and grandparents in the lives of children.
I believe the most important education a child will ever get is the one their parents set before them.
I’m sure you have your own set of beliefs, too. I hope they are based, not on emotion or on what society has told you is acceptable, but looking at many opposing arguments and true open-mindedness. I think that true critical thinking is as rare as a diamond in a gravel quarry. Many people equate a political view with open-mindedness but politics have nothing to do with critical thinking. However, critical thinking will affect the way we vote, the way we worship, the way we interact in relationships. I’m thinking today that critical thinking is a critical skill and we certainly need more of it.
I make no apologies for it. I wish everyone in the world could be so privileged and I’d share it if I could. In fact, I became a teacher with the intention of sharing it, of maybe being that “one” person in the life of a child who makes the difference between privileged and non-privileged. You see, I was born privileged because I was born to parents who loved me, wanted me, believed in me, supported me, encouraged me, guided me and set standards for me. My privilege didn’t come from my skin tone or socio-economic status.
In the following post, I’d like to look at “privilege” through a different lens.
In February 2020, massive flooding wreaked havoc in Eastern Kentucky, submerging entire communities. Most Americans remained oblivious to the devastation. Entire trailer parks were devastated. Uninsured, poor people lost everything and the world never noticed or seemed to care. Some of the most disadvantaged, poorest towns in America looked like the aftermath of a third world disaster, but it was barely noticed in the news.
Did you know that Eastern Kentucky tops the list in joblessness, obesity, disability and lower life expectancies and that the suicide rate in Eastern Kentucky is higher than the national average? Did you know that meth addiction runs rampant in Kentucky and that the opioid crisis has hit this area harder than almost anywhere else in the nation? And, did you know that Eastern Kentucky is predominantly White?
When we compare apples to oranges, nothing makes sense, so let’s compare apples to apples and oranges to oranges and rural to rural and urban to urban.
If I compare my white nephew to Quincy Brown, Quincy is the privileged one. If I compare my black niece to Paris Hilton, Paris is the privileged one. If I compare my niece to my nephew, neither one is privileged. If I compare a black child born into inner city poverty with a white suburban child, the white child is privileged. If I compare a rural white child born into poverty to a black son or daughter of a doctor, the black child is privileged. So, it’s not entirely epidermis that makes one privileged; it’s socio-economic status.
Seems pretty evident that living with a father figure who beats you is just as bad or worse than living with no father at all. So, a child growing up without a father and the child growing up with an abusive father are both disadvantaged, regardless of ethnicity.
However, a child growing up in a loving family, regardless of skin tone or economy, is clearly still at an advantage (one that should never be taken away.) Parents, regardless of color or bank account, who raise their children in a stable, loving atmosphere, who put forth an effort to see that their children do well in school and make it a point to shape the child’s morals, automatically give their child an advantage. This has nothing to do with skin color. It has everything to do with personal character, responsibility and integrity. It has to do with putting the child’s needs ahead of the parent’s wants.
Think of how Chris Gardner (Will Smith plays him in The Pursuit of Happiness.) Chris’s mother told him he could be anything. Chris was born black. He was born poor, but he had one great privilege, a mother who believed in him. Ursula Burns was born black, poor and female—BUT she had a mother who sacrificed to make sure Ursula received an education. And what of Dolly Parton born “poor as dirt,” but her mother encouraged her to sing? And Loretta Lynn whose father’s unconditional love helped form the personal convictions that gave heart to her music? The list goes on. Poverty. Race. Inner city. Poor mountain. Rural America. It all pales in comparison to parents who surround their children with love, faith, guidance, hope and acceptance.
I think if we really want our children to be “privileged” we need to stop thinking of it as a race issue or an economic issue and realize that the best privilege we can give our children is to love them, support them, educate them and give them a moral fabric that will never leave them. That’s not to say we shouldn’t do everything we can to level the playing field for allof America’s kids and it doesn’t guarantee success every time but it does help build inner strength and long-term autonomy. If we really want to fix what’s broken in America, we have to start with what’s broken in Ameri-cans. Broken children become broken adults unless someone intervenes before then.
I remember an old story of a man who cut up a world map and gave it to his son, telling him to go put it back together. The son came back mere seconds later with the homemade puzzle perfectly put together. The father was astounded. “Son, how’d you put the world together so fast?” The boy beamed, “It was easy, Daddy. There’s a kid on the back. I just put the kid together right and that world came out the right way, too.”
How do we put our nation back together? Our world? We put our kids together the right way—instilling character, integrity, kindness, compassion, guidance and acceptance. We have to think beyond ourselves, our wants, our needs and do what’s necessary to ensure that tomorrow’s generation has spiritual roots, empathy, compassion and the moral fortitude to do things that benefit us as a human race. We do this when we invest our time and energy into the life of a child. The world is made up of people and all people start out as children. If we want privileged people, then we must chose to privilege our kids.
So, yes, I was born privileged and I hope I pass the same “privilege” on to every child in my life.
*In addition to being an artist, an award-winning poet and novelist, Darlene Franklin-Campbell is a veteran teacher of over 20 years with a Master’s Degree in Education. She has completed countless hours in continuing education with a focus on human development, personality theories and cognition. She is an advocate for literacy, the arts and the preservation of cultures and languages.
The post you are about to read is not political, not religious, but it is spiritual.
I’m speaking from my heart and deepest understandings, knowing that some people are going to potentially get “their panties in a wad.” But some things in life are more important than whether someone is offended or not, the biggest cause worth sticking my neck out for to me–is children.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord,” a psalmist once said.
A heritage is a legacy, a gift by will, to be passed down to future generations.
A child is the most precious thing on this entire planet and according to Jesus, the closest thing there is to heaven. All the gold and silver on earth is less important in the grand scheme of things than the life of one child. Yet, each day, thousands upon thousands of children are treated with no regard. If you mar the child, you mar the future. If you kill a child, you kill parts of the future.
I believe the most important job any human has ever had on this earth is to raise children to be humane and compassionate and if we fail at that, nothing else we do matters. Nothing. It doesn’t matter if you are a biological parent or not, the way you treat a child (a neighbor’s child, a nephew, niece, cousin, student, etc.) makes a difference; each of us has an obligation to humanity to demonstrate what it means to be humane to the next generation or else, we get this:
Kids are not put here to pleasure adult sexual fantasies. They are not meant to work in sweat factories or be the source of black market body parts (if don’t believe me, check out the fate ofAlbino children Tanzania: ) Children are not meant to be tools that divorced adults use to “get back” at one another or to “punish” one another. They are not meant to be a means to getting government subsidies or punching bags for frustrated adults who were most likely abused themselves. Nor are they put here to live through vicariously, pushing them into things that are torturous to them so that a mother who never got to be a beauty queen can be one through her child (like on that Tots in Tiaras show) or a father who was never good at baseball can shine through his son (the dad in at the little league park who yells and screams at his 8 year-old son over a ballgame that will be forgotten in a few weeks). They are not miniature adults and they DON’T understand all the things that can hurt them; that’s why they need parents: mothers and fathers and that’s why they need caring mentors, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.) They are meant to be loved unconditionally, trained (notice that discipline is training and punishing is abusive and punitive) and taught that they have potential, unique callings and gifts to give the world.
Children end up bearing the brunt of brutality, abuse and hatred and they can’t fight back. They don’t have a voice. Who’s marching for them? Who’s standing up for the most vulnerable population in our county? Where are the protestors against thugs who shoot little kids?
Tonight I ask all of you who believe in prayer, to pray for the children, pray protection around them. Pray that the eyes and hearts of this nation be opened and that all those kind-hearted people of every shade, gender, spiritual and economic background unite to make this world a better, more-loving place for our heritage. And I ask that we band together and raise loud voices online, stating that we do not condone the harming of children, physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually for any cause or purpose.
No more human trafficking.
No more drug culture.
No more abuse.
No more shootings.
Kids are more than a substance that takes up space and has weight. Kids are more than a clump of molecules and atoms. Kids are more than matter. They are humanity’s greatest potential.
Over the past week, I’ve spruced up my porch, painting things, planting flowers, etc. and in the process, I took down the American flag that’s been hanging there for the past ten years, because it doesn’t match the new decor. Today, I picked it up off the picnic table where I’d rolled it up and laid it down, intending to dispose of it in the proper way with the proper respect. But I stopped in my tracks, noticing how faded it really was, how frail, thin and torn. I noticed how it was so stained and that the red had turned rust and the white had turned gray. Suddenly, there was a pain in my spirit and tears in my eyes, because I was no longer looking at a symbol of America. I was looking at America herself.
America: Stained. Torn. Tattered. Faded.
America: Land of the free.
America: Home of the Brave.
I cried, realizing that I love America, even when she’s stained, torn and faded. I’m an idealist. I know that. Some might call it a weakness, if so, then let me be weak, because I dream of a land where all life is respected from the unborn to the ancient, where there are no color lines and the only hue is humanity and the only responses humane. I straightened the flag as best as I could and hung her back on my porch, where she waved in the southern breeze that blew up from the cow pasture. She may be tattered, worn and faded, but she’s still beautiful to me.
I’m from a multi-racial family in a small town in Southern Appalachia. We have a modge-podge of ethnicities: White, Black, Latina/o and Native American. I don’t think we have any Asians—yet, but my CRI Genetics test says I have Asian ancestry, so, it was there at one point in time (approximately 5 to 6 generations ago). I believe we are all human and that genetically, we are 99.5% the same (according to 23andMe), and what we do to one, affects us all.
Now before I make the next few statements, let me say that my little spill here will likely not change the minds of most people. I’m not speaking to minds now anyway. I’m speaking what’s in my heart, because I need to speak it. So, this blog post is a selfish one. I’m doing it for me, not you! But hopefully, someone will find something worthwhile within it.
That broken flag is a sign of blatant symbolism to me. You see, I’ve caught myself praying a lot these past few days. I was walking through the Dollar Store and realized that I was praying, out loud, asking for America to be healed and then I realized that healing has to come one heart at a time and that the reason our country is broken is because our people are broken. If we want to fix our country, then we have to fix our people and we can’t fix people by killing them, robbing them, burning their homes, etc. We also can’t fix people by legislating morality to them. Politics can’t fix our country, because politics can’t mend human spirits or awaken the ones that are asleep. Only a spiritual awakening in human hearts can fix our country. Notice that I did not say a return to religion, by the way. I said a spiritual awakening.
I think about how Gandhi said that if we live by an eye for an eye then the whole world would be blind and how Jesus said that if the blind leads the blind then they would both fall in the ditch and Crazy Horse who said that a good leader was one who served others rather expecting others to serve him. Yet, I feel like so many people today are concerned only about serving themselves and they will blindly follow anyone who makes that a little more possible. That literally that they are lovers of themselves, angry, proud, arrogant, loud, aggressive and filled with hate and fear, while others are self-loathing, depressed (and some strangely proud to be that way). However, I know there are peace lovers out there who believe we evoke change in the world by being the change, that we can protest injustices without more murder and destruction. Jesus said that if you live by the sword you die by the sword. Or in other words, violence simply breeds more violence and it is never the answer. The only time it may be the answer is when someone invades your home and threatens your family. Then you fight for survival. A lack of the right tennis shoes or want of a better job is not survival.
I think about the man called John who wrote that if we say we love God and hate our brother (or our neighbor or our fellow human being) then we are lying to ourselves. How can we love God that we haven’t seen if we can’t love the human being that we do see? And what is love, anyway? Well, in this context, it simply means to treat others with decency. This is where healing begins, with brotherly love. And love has to come from a heart that’s been touched by love.
So, tonight, I pray for a healing in the hearts of Americans. I pray for Love’s light to over power the darkness that has settled upon our country and I employ every child of light to shine, shine and shine. Shine your light. Love, love and love radically because if ever there was a time when America needed the healing of radical love, it’s now.
So, my tattered flag waved in the afternoon breeze and I realized that through her thread-bare stripes, there were patches of sunlight.
I believe there are only two basic emotions that exist in the world; LOVE and FEAR and that all others — happiness, jealousy, anger, sympathy, compassion, etc. are manifestations of whichever one we are walking in at the moment. I believe that it is impossible to act from fear and love at the same time.
If an action is intended to harm another, either physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, socially or spiritually, it’s motivated by fear. Sometimes, it’s a fear of being wrong about something, like politics or religion. The fear is that if we are wrong about one thing, then somehow our entire universe and grasp on reality will come undone. Sometimes, it’s a fear of change, because people fear the future or that the past will repeat itself. Some people are the opposite and fear a life of boredom and sameness. Some people fear a lack of control. Others fear being controlled. Sometimes, it’s a fear of being “without,” meaning having less financially or of being poor. Sometimes people fear those of another religion, race or ethnicity. Sometimes people fear getting older while others fear dying young. Some fear they will never have a relationship while others fear commitment. Ultimately, most are afraid of death, yet everyone must face it.
Some people have been raised up in fear, believing they might not be as good as other people, so they constantly lash out at anyone who threatens their notion of being “somebody.” Maybe they get angry over something as simple as a social media post that they disagree with politically or religiously or something like that, so they lash out violently with foul language and cruel private messaging, but it’s their own insecurities and learned behaviors that come into play, not really anything you’ve done.
If someone reacts violently or hatefully to you, they are reacting out of fear. Maybe it’s a generational fear that is buried so deep in them that they don’t even know it’s there. Maybe it’s a learned behavior, instilled and ingrained, but it’s still a fear.
If an action is intended to help another, either spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, or socially; then it is motivated by love. Love compels us to acts of faith, *true confidence, *true humility, kindness, gentleness, *forgiveness, *objectivity, patience, and selflessness. Love brings joy and laughter and fond memories. It doesn’t lash out in anger and understands that others get tired and stressed. It doesn’t hold others to impossible standards or double standards. It doesn’t act in covert contract mode, expecting something in return. Love gives for the sake of giving, not receiving and shows gratitude when it does receive. Love brings growth, joy and life to everything it touches.
Every kind, compassionate and uplifting thing is done out of love. Every unkind thing is basically, an extension of fear or just plain old habit. In some cases, it’s both. If I am secure in love, then it doesn’t matter what someone says, it shouldn’t rattle me, or at least not for very long.
Love is like sunlight and water. Where there is love there is life.
A lot of people live in fear and the ironic thing about fear is that it causes people to run away from the positive, from hope and encouragement. It causes them not to recognize what is good when they see it and to label the strongest attributes of humanity: gentleness, kindness, patience, meekness, forgiveness, mercy, etc., as weak and mistakes brutality and violence for strength.
The truth is that it takes great courage to be gentle in a world where harshness is the standard. It takes great faith to be positive in a world where we are bombarded by negativity. Love brings us that courage and faith.
I’m reminded of Gladys Aylward, a tiny English woman, who led a hundred orphaned Chinese children to safety over the mountains during a time when all of China was in the grip of fear and war and she did it with love.
Love is the greatest force on earth. It is greater than war, greater than violence. It is greater than fear and it is greater than disease. Love endures forever and nothing can ever change that. Love is God and God is Love. If you want to know the Creator of the Universe, the One Who Never Dies, Great Spirit, Ancient of Days, the Force and Source of All, then look no further than Love.
*my definition of true confidence as opposed to cocky self-assurance is doing what you need to do with the faith that all will work out as it should and without the need to control people or outcomes.
*objectivity–in my mind–is the ability to remove your “personal” preferences, likes and dislikes, from a situation and see it from many angles and from the perspective of others involved and make the decision based on what pathway yields the most positive or favorable outcomes for everyone involved, taking into considerations the effects on and motivations of others.
*true humility–I believe that there is such a thing as false humility where a person acts humble in order to appear to be a “good person” or “more spiritual” but in truth the act is motivated by self-interest. True humility doesn’t care who’s watching or who’s not and will often try to perform in secret without getting recognized or needing recognition. True humility doesn’t need a pat on the back or a trophy. In the same way, true humility will propel you to the stage even when self pride wants you to sit back and not make a fool of yourself. It does what needs to be done for the good of everyone involved, regardless of who does or does not get the credit.
*forgiveness–does not mean forgetfulness. If a person has it in their nature to lie, cheat, steal or whatever, you don’t have to be blind to that fact, just accept that they are that way, keep your distance from them. Simply let go of any anger they caused you and don’t carry it or hold it against them. Caring a grudge will not punish them. However, it may add extra stress to your life and make you physically ill.
Lisa was 97 years old when I worked at the center for the elderly. She always sat in the chair by the door with a romance novel in her lap. I commented on her love of romance one day and she said, “I’m old, but I’m still human.”
I squatted beside her chair; her eyes sparkled. “When you grow old,” she said, “you don’t stop being human. You don’t stop having feelings or having dreams.” She shrugged, “I’m nearly a hundred, but as long as I am in this world, I have hopes.”
She then spoke of what it was like to have people look at her as if she weren’t in her right mind, because she was elderly and what it was like to have others think she needed someone to make decisions for her. She told me of how it wounded her pride to be treated like she was senile when she wasn’t, of how people just assumed that because she was old, she had somehow stopped having any pride or emotions or feelings of self-worth or that she deserved pretty things. Then spoke of how she had served as a nurse in WWII and how she had paid her dues for her country. She was a veteran. She told me of how she had come from the Choctaw Nation and she was an American of all Americans.
She asked me for hot cocoa and told me the special way she liked it. I went in the kitchen to make it and the young worker in there said, “You making chocolate for Lisa? She won’t like it. She’ll send you back. That old bitty can’t be satisfied.”
But I made it exactly as Lisa had told me to make it and if she had asked me to redo it, I would have done so. I sat beside her and listened to more stories until I had to go attend to another matter. Daily, I listened to Lisa’s stories and I read manuscripts from 80 year olds with dreams of becoming writers and I discovered something that I hope every 30 year-old will soon discover, age is nothing. Our spirits, the real us, are ageless, eternal.
Lisa at 97 was the same Lisa who had done all of those amazing things in her 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s. Lisa, at 97, was more mentally clear and intelligent than that 30 year-old who called her an old bitty. It is a foolish person who writes someone off because of age or appearance. She wasn’t any more demanding than I would have been in her shoes. Who wants to eat tasteless food and drink watered down hot cocoa? She wasn’t hard to please, she just wanted to be treated with dignity and respect. I don’t know what ever happened to Lisa. I’m sure she’s gone by now or else she is 115 years old, which isn’t impossible, but I doubt she’s still with us. Still, at 97, she taught me a thing or two about life and I am forever grateful for the two summers I spent working at the center and the insights I gained into human nature.