I am happy.
In this moment I hear that strange sound that accompanies silence. It’s a sound that comes from inside my own head and I don’t know how to describe it, except to say that it’s the beautiful sound of silence. I can put my fingers in my ears and still hear it. Oddly enough, the world around me isn’t silent. There is a clock ticking, a fridge humming, a cat outside meowing into the night, bamboo chimes clanging out on the porch, and yet, I hear the sound of silence.
I breathe in and am thankful for my breath, for life. Every second that has come before has brought me here and there has never been another moment exactly like this one, nor shall there ever be another. Some are similar but this one is this one and my particular thoughts in this moment will never be precisely the same again nor have they ever been precisely the same.
Today I pulled up to an ATM and I saw myself in the side mirror of my car. My immediate reaction was, “You’re pretty.” I smiled. My face is not flawless, but my first reaction to my reflection was akin to the reaction of seeing a brilliant blue bird sitting on the fence post, or seeing a dogwood in full bloom, or watching a waterfall tumble over the cliffs. It wasn’t a television, photo-shopped, Instagram kind of beauty that caused my heart to leap with joy upon seeing my own reflection but it was that same kind of elation, joy and appreciation I feel when I look at the wonders of nature. I fully, in that instant (and now as a result of that instant) understood what the Psalmist said in the Bible when he wrote, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Wow. I am. I am a thing of nature, just like a bluebird, or a dogwood or a waterfall. I am wonderfully made, a unique creation and so are you. I don’t need anyone’s temporal validation because I am internally and eternally validated.
Yesterday, as I was driving back from taking my artwork to a show in another town, about an hour and a half away, I watched the sun, settling behind the trees, getting ready to sink below the horizon and I realized that I was completely happy. No person had made me happy. No circumstance had made me happy. I wasn’t thinking of anything that had happened to me before in my life nor was I thinking of anything that might or might not happen in the future. I was thinking only of the moment, of the pleasure of driving on a country road, of the golden sun, of the quietness around me and then I realized that I was filled with joy and overcome with the beautiful sound of silence. I turned off my stereo so that I could better hear the sound of silence and it was musical, refreshing, delightful. My inner being, my spirit, felt like it was flying. I completely appreciated the moment and the world around me and in doing so, I realized that I am completely loved and was completely connected to I Am, Creator.
Once, a long time ago, my little brother accused me of just being “lucky,” exclaiming that every thing just always worked out for me. Well, now, after all these years, I realize that he was right. Everything is always working out for me. It’s like Paul said in the book of Romans, “…all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and who are called according to his purpose.” Well, guess what? All things means all things and work together for the good means that all things are working out for me and called according to his purpose means that it’s Great I Am’s plan and intent for it to be that way. So, yep, all things are working out for me all the time. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am happy. I am loved. I don’t have to strive or work toward perfection or try to earn God’s favor. All I have to do is receive. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. You can’t earn a gift. You can only be in receptive mode and receive it. So, I don’t believe I was born under a lucky star or a perfect astrological sign. I believe that I am fearfully (awe-inspiring) and wonderfully made and that I am an offspring of the Great I Am who loves me and wants to give me an abundant life. I can’t earn it. I can only accept it (receive) or reject it. When we keep trying to earn it, we are not receiving. It’s like trying to climb a ladder to get what’s already been placed on ground level.